Vulva. Labia. Vagina. Clitoris. Cervix. Cunnilingus.

Did you ever think that women missed out when it came to naming sexual organs?  Oh, sure, men have to deal with the scrotum, but on the whole, I can't help but believe that the words describing women's pudenda (ugh) are overwhelmingly unsexy.

Now, upon analysis, it could just be that all little girls are brought up to believe that one's wee wee is a dirty, smelly, evil place, and numerous sniggers from teenage boys reinforce the idea that it's basically unattractive. This leads to the conclusion that all names and acts are guilty by association. But come on, did they really have to use so many V's and C's?

On the whole, a lot of scientific language just doesn't suit the sexual situation, and it definitely doesn't sit well with erotica. For example: "Her body temperature increased as he massaged her clitoris and vulva, inserting his penis into her vagina and rapidly moving it in and out, until she reached the plateau stage and he ejaculated his semen with loud vocalisation."

So here it is, the sexual thesaurus, a list of amusing sexual euphemisms for both male and female rude bits and for sex itself. Please feel free to help me build this into a list worth using at the next dinner party.