Hands Full of Fruit Salad

Ingredients

1 Man, freshly picked

Strawberries
Raspberries
Blueberries
Mangoes
Peaches
Apricots
Peeled grapes
1 Apple
Orange and coconut juice
Castor sugar
Cinnamon

1 Bottle champagne

1 Bottle Fruit Liquor such as Midori

Method

Slice some of the fruit into bite-sized pieces and marinate in a mixture of sugar, champagne and fruit liquor. Keep some fruit whole, or in quarters, for decoration.

Clean and prepare the man. Do not remove giblets. Place in a waterproof dish. The bath may suffice.  Drizzle warm orange juice and cold champagne across man. Lick off and repeat several times. Place apple in his mouth. Sprinkle with dusting of cinnamon

After fruit is suitably drunk, carefully place fruit salad on, and in, man. Ensure that you cover all areas and wrinkles. Placement here is everything.  We recommend the following:

General fruit salad on the belly, arms and legs.
Strawberries on the nipples
Peaches around the neck
Blueberries and grapes in most orifices
Apricots on the testicles
Raspberries on the chest and upper thighs
Mangoes piled around the penis. This is because they are the most sensual to eat.

Finally, dust with sugar and sprinkle with champagne. Admire, then eat, accompanied by Midori/Champagne cocktails.

 

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