Tirmansu 

Ingredients

1 Man, preferably Italian

Brandy
Instant coffee
Boiling water
Marscapone Cheese
Double Cream
Sliced sponge cake pieces
Eggs
Castor sugar
Dark and white chocolate, grated.

1 Bottle heavy muscat

Method

Clean and prepare the man. Do not remove the fat. Warm the man in the sun, turning over several times for best results. Place in Teflon dish.

Dissolve the coffee in the boiling water, mix with the brandy and set aside. Guzzle some brandy while at it.

Whisk the eggs and castor sugar in a bowl until creamy. Add to marscapone cheese in separate bowl, then fold in double cream.

Place sliced sponge pieces carefully across chest and thighs of man.  Stack carefully around erect penis until pyramid shape has formed. Drizzle cooled coffee/brandy mixture over sponge so that it soaks in and sticks to the skin. Guzzle more brandy for effect.

 Scatter grated chocolate over damp sponge bits. Scoff a few spoonfuls. Spoon marscapone mixture on top, carefully smoothing over all parts of the man until well covered.  Extra dollops on the penis pyramid should hold it in place better.  Smear some marscapone mixture on cheeks and forehead of man for decoration, then sprinkle more chocolate over finished product.

 Consume while enjoying Italian opera on a sunny day.