From Reynaldo's Diary, October 31st 1933

New York 4pm.
This place seems so strange. I have on at least 5 occasions come across small creatures asking for candy, and when I have none, they kick me in the shin. Even stranger, when I asked a small hobgoblin if he knew where the clitoris was, the creature replied immediately. "It's in the big museum on third and ninth. You can't miss it!"

6pm.
I am lost in this godforsaken place. Three times I have been approached by beautiful women who asked if I wanted to have a good time. I replied that I'd have a good time once I'd found the clitoris. At that point they acted as if they couldn't believe their luck, and offered to show me where it was. Unfortunately that was when they asked for money. The poor fools did not understand that my research grant requires that all possible employees apply in writing first. Thus I was left to continue my search alone.

4am.
I finally found the enormous museum. Unfortunately it was closed, so I had no resort but to break in through a second story toilet window. Let me tell you, I have encountered some difficult excursions across the subcontinent, but this was without doubt the most painful experience yet. I made it through the window with only minor lacerations, and I suspect that urinal water is no deadlier than the swamp effluent of the Congo.

Once inside, I was faced with several floors of scientific artefacts, all glinting in the moonlight. I encountered many interesting things in that dark place, including something that strangely resembled the Ark of the Covenant, but I could find no trace of the legendary clitoris.

Then, almost exhausted, I walked straight into a large display cabinet. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get my face print off the glass. Suddenly, I looked at what lay inside - the bones of a giant reptile, one that may have reached fifteen feet when standing tall. I spotted the display card and nearly fell backwards. It read:

"A creature of the late Jurassic, the Clitsaurus was second in size only to the Tyrannosaurus. A herbivore, possibly pink in colour, and excellent at camouflage, palaeontologists have speculated that it was the most good-looking of all the dinosaurs. Some have suggested that this was the very reason for it's own extinction, as the other reptiles may have become somewhat jealous."

I sighed. Once again, my search had failed. The time had come to look elsewhere, possibly in Britain.